Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
