I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
