Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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