I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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