wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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