I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
