You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
