i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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