Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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