I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
