it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
