I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize