Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
