mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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