I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
