I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He has the fingertips of a God
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