Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
