she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize