After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
did i just pee glitter
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
