it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
