$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
