If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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