Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
