Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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