I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
