We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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