I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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