Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize