I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize
