Can i not drive my cunt home
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
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