but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
