you have to choose: penises or morals?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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