You're so nebulous sometimes
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
