Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
