drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
