He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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