i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize