yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
