Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
