I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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