New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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