it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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