im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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