Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
