life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
