How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
