i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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