I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
there is puke in my bra ... again
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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