Don't make out with my wife yet
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
