ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
