There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
