The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
