I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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