Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
