the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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