You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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