I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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