apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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