I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
