are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize