We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
