I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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