Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
