i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
