I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
