the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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