Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
