thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
