fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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