There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
