i permit you to call me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
