i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
