im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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