Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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