Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
