you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
