I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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