The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
