I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
