I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
