Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
