Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
