ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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