Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
