Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize