Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
