did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
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