It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
