dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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