I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Randomize
