After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize