Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
