apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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