Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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