you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
